


Heartfelt

by Skwibbiblee



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, James has relationship anxiety, M/M, More characters to be added, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Thomas is trying to help him, they're a mess but somehow it works, thomas is in love with his best friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-15 21:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11239734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skwibbiblee/pseuds/Skwibbiblee
Summary: "Why would someone like you be wrapped around my finger?"Thomas looked shocked."Someone like me?""You're epigrammatic, compendious, a leader... I'm just a follower, so why would you follow me? Don't you know that leads you nowhere," James trailed off.Thomas narrowed his eyes and tugged James into his lap, hugging him tightly."Shut your mouth. I won't let you say that about yourself."





	1. Pragmatic discussions

James didn't really expect this kind of turn out when Thomas had invited him over, yet here he was, clutching pillows and biting his tongue as the latter worked tight knots out of his shoulders and back.

Thomas pulled back to lather more lotion on his hands, focused in his task.

It had started out like any other time James had come over. He had made an offhanded comment about his sore back, most likely due to having worked so late in an uncomfortable position, and Thomas had jokingly said he needed a massage. Neither had expected James to agree so full-heartedly.

And so, Thomas had taken it upon himself to lay the man down on the bed and removed his shirt. They were best friends, so he didn't find it odd, per say, just a bit, well, unexpected.

Kneading the skin between his fingers, Thomas dug deep into the muscle, trying to get it to relax, or at least release the knot he was currently working, biting his lip in thought as his hands slid over the smooth, oiled skin.

"C'mon, you little shit," Jefferson said beneath his breath, hair tied back carefully to keep it out of his eyes.

As if that was the one thing keeping the knot in place, the strand of muscle was released, and with it, a loud, breathy moan from James was knocked into the air as well.

Jefferson's hands stilled and James covered his mouth, blushing hotly, making to get up.

Thomas stopped him.

"Where are you goin'? You're still wound like a top."

"I-I'm fine. Really, that was, erm, that was good enough."

"It's normal to moan during a massage, Jemmy."

"I-I didn't-"

"Yes, you did. You moaned like a little bitch."

"Thomas; tact!"

Jefferson held up his hands in mock defense.

"Hey, just calling it as I saw, well, in this case, heard it."

James was blushing darkly, holding the pillow to him. It had felt amazing to release the knots beneath his skin... He really did work too hard.

As if making up his mind for him, Thomas went back to work, kneading a bit harder, trying to make his friend make even more noise, having been amused, and, ahem, aroused by it.

It wasn't hard to deny James was attractive, his voice very deep, and very lush, like melted dark chocolate and smooth caramel, and Jefferson'd be damned if he disagreed his friend had him hooked around his finger, even if he didn't know it.

Madison gripped the pillow a little tighter and laid his head down on it, biting his lip as Thomas worked.

Within ten minutes another knot was released, James hiding his face in his arms, shaking slightly, letting out another muffled moan.

Jefferson blushed hotly, averting his eyes, biting his lip.

Okay, so this seemed to be a special kind of hell he was signing himself up for. Great.

With every sound James released, Jefferson came closer to withdrawing, until he finally stopped, staring off to the side, flustered as hell.

James lifted his face from the pillow, raising a brow as he sat up.

"Thomas, are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just need to rest my hands is all."

James stretched and sighed happily at the lack of tension in his neck, back, and shoulders, letting out small sounds of appreciation.

Thomas turned away from him.

James frowned, suddenly feeling self conscious, reaching for his shirt and slipping it back on.

"Thank you, Thomas... That was very enjoyable. I'm no longer in pain."

Jefferson wanted to reply that he, himself, now was in pain, but thought better of it, leaving it at a gentle smile toward his friend, hoping his flaming cheeks weren't noticeable.

But life was never so kind to him, was it?

"Thomas? Are you alright?"

"Wha- Yeah, I'm fine, why?"

"You're flushing red, and-" 

James crawled closer- jesus, why did he have to crawl- laying a hand over his friend's forehead before moving to his cheeks.

He was close enough to smell the lotion on his skin.

Jefferson burned brighter.

" and you're hot as the sun, too. Are you sick?"

"Aha, no, no, I'm fine. I just run hot, is all."

James leaned closer, looking puzzled, rubbing his hands together before laying a hand on his friend's neck.

Thomas felt his heart race.

"You're not warm here... You're actually rather cold there."

James was practically in his lap.

Thomas held his breath.

James felt the stutter in his pulse and blinked.

"Thomas?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yes?"

James looked unconvinced, but left it at bay, moving to get out of Thomas' personal space, surprised to find a hand stopping him. He lifted his eyes to a blushing Thomas staring into his soul. James felt himself flush.

"Thomas...?"

"Stay."

"What?"

"Stay...Here."

James blushed a bit harder, biting his lip.

"What's gotten into you?"

"You have."

James' eyes widened.

"I...I did what?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."

"I'm not sure what you mean..."

"Then let me show you."

Thomas knew he'd be passing all sorts of boundaries with his next move. Fuck it.

He surged forward and pressed a kiss to Madison's full lips.

James blinked, flushing deeply, but not pulling away.

Thomas stopped kissing him and hid his eyes in shame, pulling back.

"I'm so sorry... Just... Just forget this..Please."

"Thomas."

"I just assumed..."

"Thomas."

"I'm such a fool-"

"THOMAS JEFFERSON."

Thomas looked up just in time to be kissed again, blinking in shock before fading right back into it, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, kissing his best friend.

The two stayed like that for a little while, just kissing like they were the only people in the world, and in that moment, they were.

But it ended too quickly as James drew back, lifting a hand to his lips, looking away.

"James..."

"We shouldn't have done this..."

"James."

He bowed his head, staring at his hands.

Jefferson sighed and scooted closer, if that was even possible.

"There's nothing wrong with what we've done."

"It's just... What does that make us?"

Thomas blinked, leaning back on his arms, tilting his head back in thought.

"Well... That depends. Do you like me?"

"Thomas."

"Answer the question, Jem."

James sighed, rubbing a nervous hand over the back of his neck.

"I do..."

"And I'm basically wrapped 'round your little finger, so what do you make of that?"

James blinked, looking at Thomas incredulously.

"You're what?"

"You heard me."

"I did... But I don't believe it?"

Thomas pouted.

"What's not to believe?"

"Why would someone like you be wrapped around my finger?"

Thomas looked shocked.

"Someone like me?"

"You're epigrammatic, compendious, a leader... I'm just a follower, so why would you follow me? Don't you know that leads you nowhere," James trailed off.

Thomas narrowed his eyes and tugged James into his lap, hugging him tightly.

"Shut your mouth. I won't let you say that about yourself."

Madison blinked, tilting his head, letting out a surprised sound when soft, plump lips found his own again. He melted into the kiss, his eyes fluttering shut.

Thomas smiled against his lips and pulled back.

James' eyes opened again and he smiled dopily before freezing up again and curling in on himself as much as he could with his limited space, courtesy of Jefferson.

"Stop doing that..."

"Doin' what? Kissin' you?"

"You're confusing me, Thomas..."

"How am I confusing you?"

"You just are..."

Thomas pouted, looking puzzled.

"Do you want to leave?"

"No!- God, no."

"But you don't want to stay either."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement, and it was one that made James recoil deeper into the huddle Jefferson was providing.

"You've done this tango with so many eligible ladies..."

Thomas looked taken aback.

"Jem-"

"So why would you waste your time on me? I have nothing to offer you."

"Your friendship is enough, James."

"Pff- Hah! Like it will always be. No, you'll grow sick of me, just like everyone else."

Thomas frowned down at the bundle of a man in his lap, holding him tighter.

"I'd never grow tired of you, James."

James looked away.

Thomas kissed the shell of his ear, watching the smaller man shiver before leaning into him.

“Knock it off, Thomas.”

“But it’s the only thing that gets a reaction out of you, and I still have questions.”

“Well, I don’t want to answer them.”

Thomas nipped his neck and James yelped, struggling against the hold his friend had on him.

“Thomas, please, stop…”

Thomas immediately pulled back.

“Too far?”

“Too far.”

Jefferson blushed darkly in shame.

“Shit, Jem, I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine… Just… Answer me truthfully; what do you see in me that you find courtable?”

“Courtable? Jem, you mean the world to me.”

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Dammit, Thomas, just answer me!”

Thomas blinked, shocked.

James was looking up at him with tears beading in his eyes.

Thomas frowned and wiped them away.

“Alright, you wanna know what I find attractive in you? Your drive, your willingness to do what it takes to get things done, your brain, your smile, your heart. The fact that you put up with my dumb shit is just a plus.”

James laughed a bit and Thomas felt his heart melt.

“Your laugh is also a plus.”

Thomas nuzzled his friend.

“Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything about you I don’t like, James.”

“Bull.”

James rolled his eyes and stretched as much as he could in the tiny space he was granted, still trapped in Jefferson’s arms.

“It’s not bull, Jem.”

“You can’t like every aspect of a person, it’s just not possible.”

“Well, I think it is.”

“Then you’re wrong.”

“Psh, when am I ever wrong?”

James gave him a pointed look.

“Actually...Don’t answer that,” Thomas recovered.

James rolled his eyes.

“In order to like every aspect of a person, you’d have to admit to yourself they have flaws, and that the flaws hold no substance when compared to the whole person. It’s not logical, especially for you.”

“What?”

“I mean that in the nicest way possible, Thomas, but you like things at face value, not what could possibly be lying underneath.”

Thomas frowned, looking away.

“Wow, way to rip me apart while I confess my feelings for you.”

James panicked.

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

Thomas laughed a bit.

“Cutie.”

James glared and Jefferson backed off.

“Okay, okay, I get it, you don’t think I’m being sincere.”

James sighed.

“I want to believe you, Thomas, I really do.”

“But?”

“I don’t. You’re too good for someone like me.”

“And there you go again with that bullshit.”

James frowned.

“Jemmy, James, I adore you and everything, which I don’t say lightly, about you, even if you think I’m out of your league, which is also bullshit, just saying.”

James merely listened, sighing heavily.

“You can dazzle a room, Thomas. I can slave over a book. That’s all I’m good for, moping around, being sick all the time, and slaving over books.”

“So what if I can dazzle a room? If you gave it a shot, you could, too.”

“But I won’t give it a shot! Thomas, we’re opposites!”

“Opposites attract!”

“You’re too good for me, just accept it and leave, like everyone else…”

Thomas glared, turning James in his lap to face him, holding him at arms distance and staring into his eyes earnestly.

“I don’t know who hurt you, but I promise, I’m not like them. I won’t leave just because we’re different. Hell, we don’t even have to pursue anything, either. It’s obviously making you uncomfortable, so why not just stay friends?”

“It’s not that I just want to stay friends, Thomas… I just want you to understand that I’m not perfect, not even close...You could have any girl, any boy, yet you moon over me… It puzzles me.”

Thomas sighed, leaning forward and rubbing his forehead against his friend’s.

“James, look at me.”

James looked into his friend’s eyes and just about melted. Thomas, his Thomas, was staring at him so sincerely, looking into his eyes in an understanding way.

“You’ve known me for years, Jem. When I’m serious about someone, what do I do? I give them the world, and more, because they deserve it. And, in case you haven’t noticed, love, I’m head over heels for you.”

James blushed at the petname.

Thomas smiled and kissed his friend’s cheek, pausing and looking at James for a few short moments in silence, just surveying the dark-skinned beauty in front of him.

“James Madison, would you be my boyfriend?”

James blinked before nodding slowly.

“You don’t have to agree, y’know. I ain’t pressurin’ you into doin’ anything ya don’t want to.”

“No, no, I want to… Just..I’m conflicted.”

Thomas took James’ face into his hands, nuzzling his cheek.

“ You don’t have to be conflicted anymore, Jem. We can take this slow. You are important to me, and that means I will do whatever it takes to make sure you’re okay, including postponing a relationship.”

James nodded a little more, smiling.

“ Thank you, Thomas.”

“Not a problem, Jem. Now, lay back down. I was still working before your cute noises got me all flustered.”

James laughed a bit, but obeyed either way.

He was so in love with this idiot.

Maybe this would work out after all? God, he hoped so.


	2. Shy, or sick of you?

James wasn’t really one to be affectionate in public, so when Thomas tried taking his hand and he slapped him on the wrist, he boiled in shame at his action. They had been dating for four months. Thomas didn’t mean any harm, and that’s what made it worse.

“James?”

Madison turned tail and ran.

Thomas looked heartbroken. That trance was broken, however,as an annoying laugh bubbled up behind him. Jefferson’s lip curled in distaste.

Alexander Hamilton.

“The fuck do you want,” Jefferson sneered, pride wounded enough already. He didn’t need this rat making him feel any worse.

“I was just walking to class, no need to get so upset that I witnessed that your boyfriend doesn’t even want to touch you, let alone hold your hand in the hallway.”

Jefferson swallowed hard, hands clenching at his side.

“He’s just shy.”

“Shy, or sick of you?”

Thomas glared down at the immigrant before taking a deep breath and walking away. Alexander left him be, heading to his own class. The damage had been done, and there was no need to pursue anything further.  
\---

James and Thomas sat beside each other on the couch, both reading for their studies, Thomas reading a play, James a novel. It was silent, but the air was thick with unspoken tension from the day before. The two hadn’t spoken since, and any time James had tried to open his mouth, he had just shut it and just gone on with his life. It just made things even more awkward.

Thomas was the first to snap, shutting his script and setting it down, pivoting on the couch to face is boyfriend, and long time friend.

“Why’d you slap my hand and then run?”

“Public displays of affection are tedious.”

“Tedious? What, my love for you is tedious?”

“Thomas, that’s not what I meant at all.”

“It sure sounds like it.”

“Listen to yourself, would I ever do something like that to you? We’re together. If I don’t like PDA, what’s the big deal? It doesn’t affect the relationship.”

“I just want to show how proud I am to be yours.”

“I swear to all that is holy if you sing that song, I’m ending this relationship, or hitting you with this book, one or the other.”

“Damn, what happened to my meek little apple?”

“Did you just call me an apple, a meek one at that?”

“I couldn’t think of what to say, and apple seemed to fit?”

James chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“To answer your question, your ‘meek little apple’ is not always so quiet and contrite.”

“Well, yeah, I know that, I was just joking.”

James smiled softly, going back to his book, vaguely aware of the eyes boring a hole into the side of him.

“Jem.”

There was no response as James just kept reading.

“Jemmmmmyyyyyyyyy.”

James turned the page.

“Jaaaaaaaaammmmmeeeeeeeesssssssss.”

Madison finally looked up, amusement dancing in his dark orbs.

“Yes, Thomas?”

“You never answered me why I’m not allowed to be yours.”

The shorter of the two blinked, confused.

“Thomas, what?”

“Okay, I phrased that wrong.”

“Y’think?”

“Why can’t I hold your hand in public?”

“I don’t…” James took a deep breath, letting it out quietly before continuing, “ I don’t like showing affection publicly. I feel it ruins the close feeling that a lover has with one another, and also we get enough horny teenagers grinding and fucking around in school, I don’t want to start showing affection and have it grow into something unruly.”

Thomas listened quietly before snickering behind his palm.

James blinked.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re adorable.”

 

“Shut up, I am not.”

Thomas snuck closer and James scooted further away on the couch. Thomas only moved closer in response and soon he was hovering over James, grinning.

James blushed and covered his face with the novel, blocking his view from Thomas.

“Go away.”

“But you’re so cuteeeee~”

“I’ll repeat myself once more and then you’re getting this book to your face. Go away.”

Thomas looked wounded.

“James, there’s no need to feel so guarded. We’ve been together for four months now. Just let me kiss your cute face.”

“Go read your play.”

“ My professor can wait.”

James rolled his eyes but slowly lowered the book.

Thomas grinned.

“Howdy.”

James felt a laugh bubble in his throat.

“Howdy,” He replied mirthfully.

Thomas peppered his face with kisses and James smiled, laughing.

“See, that’s what I love to hear, my little Jem having a ball of a time.”

The short, dark-skinned man rolled his eyes and pressed a light kiss to Thomas’ cheek, letting out a noise of surprise when the taller of the two turned his head to capture his lips.

Sneaky bastard.

He kissed his boyfriend for a minute before pulling back away and setting his book aside, dragging Thomas closer, forcing him to lay down as he played with his large poof of hair.

Thomas let out a sigh of relief.

“Don’t ever let it be said that I don’t love you, Thomas. I just don’t love public affection.”

And, for once, Thomas didn’t push the subject.  
\---

“Shy, or sick of you?”

The answer was shy. Suck it, Hamilton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, SO, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR HOW LONG THIS TOOK TO UPDATE.
> 
> I want to update each week but holy cr A P is it difficult to keep a schedule when you're working every day. I have two days off, and I spend one of them each week sleeping bc i'm dying of exhaustion

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a multi-chaptered fic of Thomas and James going through the trials and turbulence of a relationship where one partner has low self-esteem, and the other is trying to build them up. A healthy fanfic for these two
> 
> Updated at least once a week (that's the plan, at least)


End file.
